Journey to Find Myself: The Healthier Version of Me

I’m here because I have a problem…a weight problem. And though there isn’t much I can do about it at the moment, due to limitations in my pregnancy, I figure there is no time like the present to regain control.

Through the Years

My problem wasn’t noticeable to others until 2012. I have decent genetics that allow me to appear lighter than I really am. Plus, after having my first son, Ethan, I just bounced right back with little to no effort. But really, I’ve had personal issues with my weight since I was 12. Since then, I’ve always had a complex and have even been borderline anorexic. I was fed lies about my pubescent figure by a family member, creating insecurities instead of a foundation for confidence. And though I have overcome my anorexic tendencies, the insecurity remains.

And so a new struggle began, I went from not eating enough to eating beyond my limits. I sought comfort in over indulging, especially in sweets. And by the time a bad break up came in 2010, I was on my way to a fifty pound weight gain.

Bringing you to 2012. I married a wonderful man and became pregnant with my second son, Liam. I weighed 199 pounds after my delivery. Now granted, a woman is destined to gain weight during pregnancy, this is to be expected, but I had developed poor eating habits that caused me to gain even more weight than required during a pregnancy. Because I had a cesarean and my pain was significant, my exercise was limited for nearly 16 weeks. So when that day came where I was given free range of motion, I hit it and hit it hard! I downloaded many of the popular fitness apps and utilized them for consistency and motivation. Couch to 5k (C25K) became a daily favorite. Now I couldn’t, by any means, follow the allotted time frame provided to complete each circuit, but I worked at my own pace and eventually developed longevity and endurance. And then my friend introduced me to Zumba! Immediately, I was hooked! I have never had so much fun getting fit.

By now I was 180 pounds and felt like it just wasn’t good enough; that a daily walk/run and Zumba three times weekly wasn’t enough to get me where I really wanted to be…130 pounds or, at least, to look it. I felt compelled to step it up. I wasn’t over eating and was really focused on getting the “old me” back! But have you ever wanted something too much? Enter Phentermine. Because I was medically considered obese, a prescription for this weight loss pill was easily obtainable. But when I didn’t see the results I read about, I thought, okay, I need to do MORE!

So I tossed the pills. And for the next three months, my daily routine was an early morning run, an afternoon with Zumba, where I would supplement a DVD version on the days there were no classes, and then in the evening, I did Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred. Yes, I did this for three months straight! Rain or shine, sick or well, there were no exceptions. I ate six small healthy meals a day and allowed a “sweet cheat day” once a week. Guess how much weight I lost…ten pounds. I was shocked! Yeah, I was more toned, yeah people noticed, yeah my energy was insane, but at the time, ten pounds wasn’t good enough for me. Boy was I mistaken! I was healthy, and doing it all the right way! I wish I wouldn’t have been so hard on myself and my body looking back. But we believe what we believe, don’t we. And then I get the news that my only ovary had multiple cysts on it. My exercise routine had to cease. To be honest, my unhappiness with my results made me become unmotivated to keep hitting it so hard, so I was a bit relieved. While waiting for my body to potentially resolve the cyst problem on its own, I got pregnant.

And here I am now,

march 2014

183 pounds, three months until boy number three arrives, and eager to get my life back! I want to have more energy and be able to keep up with my kids. I want to finally wear clothes without crying. I want to not only look good but feel good. And I want to be around for a long time.

I’m hoping that by blogging, it will give me a sense of commitment. That way, I will stay focused on my goals; my lifestyle diary of: food, fitness, life and everything in between. So join me on this journey, the journey to myself.


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