I did another 5k today. I was pretty proud because until today, I’ve only consistently ran a duration of 30 minutes. I ran 44:44:03 minutes according to their trackers!! That’s pretty good for chicks like me. Slow, but what matters is that I did it and I did it consistently. The 5k was for a local school for children with disabilities. The proceeds are going to help add to their adaptive playground so it was definitely a good cause and dear to my heart.
While I aim to improve my pace, there’s not a whole lot I have left to change as far as a healthier lifestyle is concerned. I’m eating clean, watching my portions (thanks LIVESTRONG MyPlate food and fitness tracker) and I workout by doing both strength training and cardio up to two times a day, 5 days a week. But though I’ve been my most diligent these past six months, I don’t see much change happening. At least, not as much as expected. I’ve hit over 9 plateaus at this point in 11 months-that alone can be discouraging. It’s difficult not to throw in the towel when they last weeks at a time.
But I’ve kept fighting, because the end result plagues me. And the body I used to have PLAGUES me. So much so that I sometimes get disgusted and think, “why did you allow this to happen?”. I can’t even look in the mirror some days. I had to stop weighing myself due to the repeated disappointment. It’s becoming such a burden on me, it’s like I’m carrying all the weight that I’ve lost on my back.
This journey started because I desired a healthier lifestyle, a longer lifespan and just to keep up with my kids. But now I see it has become so much more than that. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves, sometimes too much. I know I’m guilty of that. And I’m also guilty of looking at people who don’t do half of what I do and yet they reach their final goal while I’m not even half way to mine. That’s frustrating! Biologically, I can’t compare myself to others accomplishments, but mentally, I do! I can’t help it! I want it so bad I can taste it. And right now, it’s not tasting so great. This journey has taken me so much deeper than I thought it would mentally. And I’m pretty tough in that category. But this is a challenge, even for me. Apparently I’m spring cleaning more than just my body, I’m spring cleaning my mind!